Important game designers from Sega, Namco Bandai, and Capcom come together to plan out a new 3DS game. Their names have been redacted for super serious reasons. What follows is their conversation verbatim:
Sega: “Alright guys, we don’t have a lot of time or money, but we need to get a piece of this hot 3DS action. What talent can you contribute?”
Capcom: “Oh, we have an awesome character designer working on DMC, we can recrui-”
Bandai Namco: “That’s… OK, Capcom. We’ll pass. What if we make a game with characters WE’VE ALREADY MADE?”
Capcom: “Oh, I get it — you mean like DLC. Sure, let’s have lots of DLC!” *pinches nipples*
Sega: “I think what [BANDAI NAMCO REDACTED] is trying to say is, we make a game in which all the characters in it are from our most popular games!”
Capcom: “Oh.”
Bandai Namco: “Exactly. That way we don’t need to think too hard when creating characters. We can skip that step entirely!”
Sega: “But we still need a story…”
*NIS peeks in*
NIS: “Hey did you guys see there’s little sausages out in the lobby? What are you guys talking about, anyway?”
Sega: “I was just saying that we need a story for a game in which characters from all of our different franchises come together.”
Capcom: “And if you have any ideas for DLC as well…” *picks nose*
Bandai Namco: “Not now, [CAPCOM REDACTED]!”
NIS: “Oh, that’s easy! Just have them all get sucked into a dimensional vortex or something.” *eats mini sausage*
*The three designers stare at each other a moment in silence. The only sound is NIS chewing*
Bandai Namco: “Yeah, that works for me. Guys?”
Sega: “I’m down.”
Capcom: “What were we talking about?”
Sega: “OK, so what characters do you guys want to volunteer?”
Capcom: “Ryu and Ken!” *flails arms excitedly* “Hadouken! HAHHAHAHA!”
Bandai Namco: “Is there a game you won’t put them in?”
Capcom: “What?”
Bandai Namco: “Nevermind…”
Sega: *begins laughing uncontrollably, pounding table as mini sausages fly everywhere* “Oh man, I just had the best idea. I’ll put in characters from Valkyria Chronicles!”
Bandai Namco: “Valentine Crocodiles? Never heard of it.”
Capcom: “CROCODILES?! WHERE!?”
*Capcom hides under the desk. NIS backs out the door slowly, still chewing on sausages.*
Sega: “No no, Valkyria Chronicles! It’s like this awesome game we made — fans love it — but, uh, no one wants to work on making more of ‘em. It’s too hard to come up with war stories!”
Capcom: “I don’t get it. Why’s that so funny?” *wipes booger on “The man, the legend” t-shirt*
Sega: “Well, fans keep asking us to make new games, so if we put Valkyria Chronicles characters into this game and it bombs, we can blame the Valkyria franchise!”
Bandai Namco: “Wow, you’re an asshole.”
Sega: “Heh, yeah.”
Capcom: “I don’t get it. What’s a ‘fan’?”
Bandai Namco: “Alright, well I will throw in Jin Kazama and Ling Xiaoyu. Our fans keep wanting them to hook up like Jun and Kazuya did, so we’ll tease them some more for the lulz.”
Capcom: “I don’t get it. What about seagulls? I like flamingos better.”
Sega: “OK, so what kind of game should we make? What genre doesn’t need a very strong story or unique characters?”
*NIS pops his head in, still chewing on sausuages*
NIS: “SRPG!” *NIS quickly disappears again behind door*
Capcom: “What does that stand for?”
*The group run over to a nearby PC and Google ‘SRPG’*
Bandai Namco: “‘Strategy… role… playing… game’. Yeah, this should work. I got stuff to do so I don’t really want to work on this anymore.”
Sega: *Yawn* “Same.”
Capcom: “Don’t leave me with the crocodiles!”
*Square Enix enters*
Square Enix: “Has anyone seen the Snausages [SCEJ REDACTED] put in the lobby for the Pomeranian in Tokyo Jungle?”
END SCENE
Look into your heart, you know it to be true.
More on Project X Zone:
@andriasang
Screens (lol I remember PS1)
1, 2, 3, 4
