As of today there is one month until Xenoblade Chronicles is released in North America.  I’ve worked hard for this day, so I wanted to use the opportunity to remind my twitter followers to place their pre-orders.  I made my pre-order about a month ago via Nintendo — one of the two channels where game will be available — the other being Gamestop.  Wanting to avoid a Gamestop visit, I opted for Nintendo’s online store and went for the fastest shipping, ’cause I’m straight gangsta like that — I make it rain.  When I returned to Nintendo’s online shop to copy and paste the link, I noticed a troubling message had appeared:

That’s when my eyes darted to the date — March 6th — which, as I’d already established, was one month shy of Xenoblade’s release. Then, with a furrowed brow, back to the message, stating the game would ship at the end of April. Then back to the date.  No… no this doesn’t add up.  Why would a game I pre-ordered for the beginning of a month instead lazily crawl onto my Welcome mat nearly a full month later?  Paris, the helpful representative at Nintendo’s customer service, didn’t have an answer for me — just some droll speech about verbal abuse being a felony and blahblahblah tracking my location blahblahblah.  Long story short I cancelled my pre-order… and it’s true what they say about going to prison: kill someone the first day you’re there.  Bonus points if you take a trophy from your kill and wear it as jewelry for the duration of your stay

Since Nintendo maintains a vigilant stranglehold on cutting edge technology, you should be pleased to learn that if you too wish to cancel your pre-order there is only one way to do so: over the phone!

Here’s the phone number if you want to cancel your pre-order: 1-800-255-3700

Be warned, you will not figure out how to disengage yourself from the elaborate web of phone options evil-queen-spider-Nintendo has woven, so just mash “0″ until you get to talk to someone.  I’m not even joking, because apparently Nintendo’s web system and phone system are both under the impression that customers only inquire with them if they are:

1. Confused how the Wii works
2. Confused how the 3DS works
3. Confused about how Game Boy Color works
4. Confused about a repair
5. Confused about a part they’ve ordered
6. Confused why Nintendo’s quarterly earnings make Enron look like Google

I canceled my order and, with a heavy heart, made my way over to Gamestop:

Sigh. Well, how can I say no to same-day, in-store pick up?  I just can’t.  At least I can rest comfortably knowing that me and the shriveled ear of the inmate who looked at me funny will have Xenoblade Chronicles as soon as humanly possible!